The Story I Thought I Knew (Until Circle)

By: Margot Walsh

I’ve been thinking a lot about a conversation I had recently with someone I’ve known my entire life. She shared with me her experience with body dysmorphia and disordered eating, something I had never known about her. What struck me most wasn’t just the struggle itself, but the fact that it existed alongside everything else I’ve always known to be true about her.

She is confident. She is accomplished. She is articulate, capable, and so well rounded. She leads well. She shows up fully. She has built a meaningful, successful life. None of that is exaggerated. She’s truly a special woman.

AND she has struggled deeply with how she sees herself.

That’s the part that really got me. Because it would be easy to assume that the confidence must be the mask and the struggle is the “real” story underneath. But that’s not true. The confidence is real. The competence is real. The success is real. And the struggle is real too.

It’s not that underneath all the accomplishment is a woman falling apart. It’s not that high-functioning women are secretly frauds barely holding it together. It’s not that we’re pretending to be confident while actually just insecure the whole time.

It’s that both things exist at the same time. We are not one or the other. We are both/and.

We can be secure in who we are and still have negative self talk. We can be successful and still compare ourselves to others. We can love our lives and still question ourselves. We can be grounded in our abilities and still have days where we feel not enough. One truth does not cancel out the other.

I think this matters because so often we look at women who are achieving, leading, building, and assume they must feel solid all the time. And when we struggle, we assume we’re different. That we’re the only ones who haven’t figured it out. That if we were really confident, we wouldn’t have these thoughts. That if we were truly secure, we wouldn’t falter. But that’s just not how it works.

The strength is not fake. The vulnerability is not fake. The confidence is not covering up insecurity. And the struggle doesn’t erase capability. Actually, they coexist.

I’ve felt this in my own life too. People sometimes assume that because I’m productive or able to manage a lot, I must feel calm, cool, and collected all the time. But there are SO many days when I question myself, compare myself, and wonder if I’m doing enough… at work, at home, everywhere. That doesn’t mean my competence is a mask. It just means I’m both/and.

We are layered and complex. We are capable and vulnerable at the same damn time.

You can think you know what someone is going through without REALLY knowing. It reminds me of something my high school counselor used to always say, “there’s a story behind every face.”

Margot is the Co-founder of Femnest and serves as the Director of Growth & Connection. She is a life coach and the creator of Beyond: Discover Who You Are Beyond the Stress, a group coaching program that helps women move past overwhelm and into clarity, calm, and confidence. To learn more about working with her or to join the next round of Beyond, send her a message!